Why Managing Feels So Hard - And What Great Managers Do Differently
Nov 12, 2025If you’ve ever had that moment where you think, “Why does being a manager feel this hard?” you’re in good (or very common) company. Most people are promoted because they did a great job in an individual contributor role, not because they were trained to lead others doing that role. It’s a huge shift - and one most organizations underestimate.
In this week’s video (and the tips below), I break down what makes managing people so challenging and what you can do to feel more confident and calm in the day-to-day - whether you're managing for the first time, or the fifteenth.
1. Give yourself credit for caring (because that already sets you apart)
So many managers are thrown into leadership with no guidance, no training and no roadmap. The fact that you’re seeking out resources, reflecting on your approach and trying to show up well for your team puts you miles ahead. Great management starts with wanting to be intentional.
You're reading a blog about managing well - you’re already doing something right!
2. A calm manager creates a calmer team
You don’t have to have all the answers. You do have to set the tone.
When something unexpected happens - a missed deadline, an absence, a small mistake that feels big in the moment - your team is watching how you respond. A grounded, resourceful “Okay, let’s figure it out” tells your team:
- We’re capable
- We’ll get through this
- Hiding problems doesn't help anyone
Calm is a leadership skill, and it’s one of the best you can develop.
3. Teaching feels slow (or repetitive) in the moment, but it pays off quickly
One of the most common frustrations managers share is this: “It’s faster if I just do it myself.”
And they’re right - today. But next week and next month, that same task will still be on your plate because no one else learned how to do it.
Reframe it this way: You’re not slowing down productivity. You’re building a team that can run without you having to personally power every task. That’s real leadership.
4. Let your team learn from the lessons you’ve already paid for
Most managers have learned their best lessons from the moments they messed up. But almost no one talks about those stories.
When you share your own learning moments, even briefly, it does more than make you relatable. It helps your team:
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Understand your expectations and how you think about work
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Feel okay (and even good) coming to you when they’re unsure
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Learn faster without repeating the same mistakes you’ve already lived through
You don’t need to overshare or unpack every detail. Just be human. People connect with leaders who are real, not perfect. And when your team sees that you’ve stumbled, learned, kept going and still grown in your career, it makes it easier for them to do the same. And if you're looking for tips on what to say, I'm giving a script in this week's Manager Method Minute email. If you don't get them, you can sign up here.
5. Get curious instead of assuming
There’s so much managers don’t know unless they ask - motivations, stressors, strengths, fears. And those differences really matter.
Try simple questions that open the door:
- “What do you feel like you have a good understanding of?”
- “What would you like a better understanding of?”
- “What’s something you’d love to learn more about?”
- “What do you wish more people knew about your work, and your interests?”
These questions aren’t complicated, but they create opportunities for people to share what they might not volunteer on their own. And once you know what matters to them, you can support them so much more effectively.
Teams communicate better when their manager does, too. Managers who assume end up surprised (and not in a good way). Asking is the shortcut to understanding - and leading well.
6. Your impact goes far beyond your team’s day-to-day work
The work your team does matters. But the way people feel doing that work matters, too.
We know this intuitively, but the data backs it up. Studies like this one from UKG have shown that managers play a huge role in how people experience their day-to-day lives at work. Your leadership influences their stress levels, their engagement, their physical and mental health, their confidence, even the direction of their careers. That’s not small stuff. It’s the kind of impact that lasts a very (very) long time.
And here’s the part that we don't always keep in mind: People remember how you made them feel on their hardest days. The moment someone was overwhelmed and you offered support instead of frustration. The time you paused to ask what was really going on. The day you recognized the effort behind the scenes when no one else saw it.
That’s the real power of leadership - and the best part of it. How you lead shapes how the work gets done, how people feel showing up each day, and even how they show up at home. When you lead well, your boss is happy, your team is supported and their families and friends feel the difference, too.
Every interaction is a chance to make someone’s work feel more manageable, and more meaningful.
7. Make space for real conversations
One of the most underrated tools managers have is simply making time to talk - not just about deadlines, but about how someone is actually doing the work.
This looks like:
- Checking in before people get overwhelmed
- Talking honestly about workload and how to get things done
- Encouraging questions instead of rewarding silence
- Creating those “let's talk about it if you’re stuck” moments that make problems easier to solve
Your team can feel the difference between a manager who’s just checking boxes and a manager who’s checking in because they genuinely care.
Summing It Up
If you’re a manager, remember that you don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be present, curious and willing to grow. Your team wants (and deserves) someone who communicates clearly, supports them and brings some much-need calm when things feel like chaos.
And if you’re in HR, consider this your reminder that managers usually need more support than they get. Even the simplest tools - a quick script, a framework or pointing them to a helpful resource - can make a real difference for someone who wants to do the right thing but never got the playbook.
Since these tips aren't just for managers, but also for HR teams and people who might step into management down the road, the next blogs (and videos) will have more for all of you - what to look for, what to practice and what actually helps. So keep reading, and check out managermethod.com for more resources.
